Enroute we had some very good conversations with each other and all
seemed to be well ? much of what we talked about were our tastes in
music and our past experiences with LTRs and family.When the
discussion gravitated towards sexual kinks,  "M" asked if I might get
into some vomit scenes with him.  "M" told me that he had gotten into
having someone vomit into his throat before and found it to be exciting.
 ?M? must have read the expression on my face as he changed the
topic quickly (and I wondered what in the hell I had gotten myself into at
this point).Further down the road sexual kinks came up again - this
time it was about a friend that "M" would visit in the mountains of
central TN.  "M" told me that his friend was into sexual play with his
goats. "M" alluded to having an interest in bestiality ? I told him that I
was not into anything that involved severe pain, scat, blood, animals,
children and that I was not comfortable with this ? ?M? told me it was
just a fantasy and nothing more.I also began to think it was not a good
idea to continue and I wondered who "M" really was. Now some of you
may ask why I continued on.

It  would have been really easy for me to call upon my gurlie biker
friends back in Springfield to come "bail me out" with their pickup (I
had made arrangements with Pam & Patti right before leaving about
this possibility - after all I am riding on a cycle that is 25 years old). I
could have also called upon my extended family to also bail me out
with a truck rental and just gone onto Austin. But as I have said
elsewhere within these web pages, I do not turn back. Deep down I
was a bit nervous about what had started to happen and just as
equally nervous about who I had hooked up with.

But during my entire life it has always been about continuing
forward, regardless of what the outcome might be!  Sometimes
things are not what they appear to be on the surface and we have to
examine it all much deeper! AND there is always something very
positive down the road somewhere - the path and road may be
bumpy and twisty at times but there's always something good
lurking around every corner!
We arrived at ?M?s? home that evening around 11:30pm, the motorcycle was
unloaded and locked into ?M?s? garage. We then went to bed and thinking that I
was going to be able to just fall asleep (I was very very tired after riding 350
miles with less than 3 hours of sleep within a 48 hour period),  I was
immediately hit upon for sex. When I expressed how tired I was, I was told that
sex was expected whenever he wanted it regardless of how ?the other person?
felt and that if it did not happen and things did not work his way, the policy he had
was ?there?s the door, just hit the street??

Yep! That?s the way it was the first night and I had to do something I had not
done in many years ? perform a sexual act to survive! ("M" wanted me to fuck him
and I had to carry on with him for almost an hour before he was able to climax ? I
later discovered he had impotency problems. I did not sleep well that night,
feeling that I was trapped with no place to go or to safely  leave my motorcycle.

The following morning ?M? retracted his statement telling me that he ?use to be
that way? AND "after thinking about it I don?t want to lose you and sex twice a
day will be enough and you can sleep late in the mornings if you want..?
Winter 2002
My 2nd evening in Atlanta went
well!  ?M? wanted me to listen to
him perform karaoke so we went
to a het club called Vals.  That
was the first night I met Clay face
to face. The evening went well but
towards the end of the night
some drama unfolded when we
(Clay and I) were told that a
certain person singing had
beaten up an older man who had
full blown AIDS. When the man
left the bar, Clay followed him out
and I was behind Clay, covering
his ass for whatever might
develop. We scared the crap of
the guy in the parking lot without
even touching him (and he is no
longer beating his lover up).
...a water dragon and a fire dragon.....one coming into and the other going out.....
Several things happened though between the 3rd night and 4th day of my visit to Atlanta that made me realize that I
needed to get away from ?M?.  I discovered very quickly that he was controlling, manipulating, deceitful and quite crafty with
words ? often mincing what I would say to him to manipulate or push my buttons. Later on in the week I fully realized how
deceitful and crafty with words ?M? was when he made the revelation to me that he had Hep C ? right after a visit to his
tattoo artist. There were too many other instances when he also would mince words to his advantage. During that visit I
divulged to the inkers that I was a long term HIV+ survivor and later ?M? told me that the husband and wife tattoo artist
team did not know he was HIV+ and had Hep C (they still don?t know) but he figured that they would assume it knowing
that I mentioned my HIV status and because I was with him (I am Hep C negative by the way). Just less than a  week
earlier before I came down when talking with ?M? on the phone I had asked if there were any other infectious diseases he
had aside from HIV and he said ?not that I am aware of.?   I chose not to confront him about this at the time since my bike
was locked in his garage. I also discovered a few days later that he had lied and been deceitful about having a spiritual life
and worse yet ? he lied about getting into the Grateful Dead (I played some GD cds and he asked several times who that
was singing)?..

There were also more public incidents where ?M? could not control his anger ? beginning that Monday at CYCLE STOP
(THANKS KIM ? you people did the right thing) ? there he exerted himself vocally and was verbally abusive to both the
mechanic and lady at the front counter over something he had fucked up. Earlier that morning ?M? asked me to help get
the plug off and handed me a wrench ? I told him that he needed a socket wrench. Upon looking at the drain plug I saw
that ?M? had slightly stripped the bolt. When I attempted to explain that he should not have used an ordinary wrench,
?M?s? response was ??.they should have given me a socket set for this when I bought the bike?.?

Have you ever seen anyone get verbally abusive with a Krispy Kreme counter clerk because the business does not make
honey glazed donuts anymore? Worse yet how about standing in a check out line in a Kroger store and making racist
comments about other people inferiority and lack of ability to ?be ready? in the line?.Later I realized that this was really
some sort of "control" issue "M" had.  In fact, "M" had too many control issues that surfaced throughout the week - far too
trivial to write about but you get the picture, eh? I have always felt that controlling people usually are seriously out of control.
Try to imagine if you will, how I felt halfway through the week
after dealing with all this and upon discovering that my ignition
switch would not be in until the following week, well let me say
this ? by the week?s end I started making arrangements for
money to be transferred into my checking account. I was ready
to hot wire my bike and leave without the ignition!

I made these arrangements in ?M?s? presence while talking with
my friend Beth ("M" never left my side, even on two trips to a gas
station that was two blocks away!). ?M? became frantic that I was
about to leave and called Clay at one point to say he was afraid that
he was going to lose me.
...the jury came in early on "M".....
I knew that I would be leaving Atlanta real soon and I  realized something else ? Clay may be the man I was intended for. I
prayed for two things to God that day; to have Clay see what was inside of me ? my heart and if God did not intend for me
to be with Clay, then I asked for His Blessings and His protection on the roads that would lay before me.By the time the
weekend came I was finally about to discover what I had been seeking and when it all happened, it was like a firestorm
that came suddenly.

My world was about to be rocked ? turned upside down and over and around ? filled with a lot of laughter, tears of joy and
happiness and much more than I thought I would ever see again. I had lost my tranquility during the past week but just as
quick as it was ?taken? from me, it was ?given? back to me.I did not know that Clay wanted to have ?someone like me? in
his life and liked what he saw in me; Clay also had dated ?M? for 5 months the previous year and knew that it would not
take long for it all to come to an end ? Clay had already expressed that to a real close friend, after having seen ?M? and
another man split in less than 6 months. Clay knew exactly what I was going through with ?M? since he and ?M? had gone
through it with each other several times.Little did I know that Clay had decided ?.?.to steal you [me] away from that piece of
shit?.? (Clay's words)

The man Clay had been seeing for less than a week or so had seen something magical and special between us very
early on and told Clay that.  The 4th time I came face to face with Clay was when ?M? and I were invited over for dinner on a
Friday night.  It was during that night I realized I wanted to be with Clay.  That night Clay?s date, ?M?, and I were out on the
back porch while Clay was preparing a very special dinner ? the discussion between the other two on the porch was drug
related (illicit and of no interest to me) so I took advantage of the opportunity to come into Clay?s kitchen.

When I came into the kitchen Clay's words were" you would rather be in here with me, wouldn't you?"  Although I was
caught off guard by his very direct candor, I could not but help utter the word "yes" and then just as quickly I masked my true
feelings - I did want to be in the house with Clay and there was something very powerful happening between us yet I
continued to keep what I felt buried deep within.

Dinner that evening was fantastic!  Well into supper I sat back and commented to everyone at the table, ?The way to a
man?s heart is through his stomach?.?  Said innocently enough but little did I realize that Clay had pulled out all stops for
this dinner ? all done to snare me into his heart, as he would admit to me later. Clay and I also made a very special
connection that evening and there was magic in the air. Clay?s date was in the guest bathroom and I needed to go there. I
was told to use the bathroom that adjoined the master bedroom.
Winter 2002
.....staying warm in my long johns.....