Thief-of-hearts-3

While I was sitting on ?the can? In front of me there
was a rack and I picked up the first book I saw, a
photo book titled ?The Bear Cult?. As I opened the
book I saw before me on page 19 a b/w photo of
two guys - T.C. & Lange ? and then I saw myself and
Clay in that same photo - I knew then and there the
events had connected Clay and I for good
reason.Several minutes later I came down the stairs.

Everyone was gathered in the kitchen and the only
words that came out of my mouth, as I looked
directly at Clay were, ?page 19.? Clay knew the
page all too well and always indentified with it in much
the same way I had - I saw his face light up, I knew
exactly who I wanted to be with.When ?M? and I left
Clay?s house that night, there were more difficulties
brought about by ?M? on on the way home.

The following morning, which was on a Saturday, I
called Beth in Austin and asked that she be prepared
to place money into my account so that I could be
ready to leave as soon as possible. I knew the banks
would not be open until Monday and that Tuesday
would be the earliest I could leave for Austin, Texas.

THANKS Guys!.....your photo prompted a voice
outwardly and within me that made this happen.....

I was feeling sad that I would be leaving without
ever seeing someone (Clay) that I truly felt I
should have been with but as it turned out,
?M?s? telephone rang and I answered it. It was
Clay calling.

I told myself that this would be the only chance I
would have to tell Clay how and what I felt ? but
instead I started spilling my guts to him about
how I had had no personal space and was
feeling very smothered with my every move and
word being monitored ? I no longer had my
tranquility. Clay asked that I put ?M? on the
phone.

Clay told ?M? that we both needed to be apart
and maybe we should also sleep apart that
evening. Clay emphasized to his ?old buddy?
how important it was for people to have their
space and not be smothered. ?M? and I were
invited to join Clay with his date on a ride the
next day. We all agreed to meet the next day and
that evening I stayed to myself, keeping my
headphones on to block out ?M?.

I slept somewhat better that night, out there on
"M's" sofa, despite his constant shuffling around
the living room to remind me that he was "still
there", knowing that tomorrow might be better -
how much worse could it get I wondered as I
laid there listening to the Grateful Dead. I was
listening to What A Long Strange Journey It Has
Been as I fell asleep.

.....ya wanna go play in the mud?.....
well yer a bit too late!.....

The following day the four of us met at
Clay?s house and went riding up to the
falls. Along the route I rode behind
Clay and at times passed him on the
road. Finally I was starting to enjoy
myself a bit more (the ride man ? it
always makes a big fucking
difference!). We got to the falls and
relaxed for sometime there.

While there "M" made a few last ditch
attempts to be close to me but I kept
my distance. Instead I thought about
what life might be like with Clay and as
we got ready to leave later that day, I
turned my cycle on, rode out in front of
the other bikes and had what Clay
called "a.... shit eating grin......." I also
saw the "glow" again in Clay's face -
that same glow I had seen the day I
watch him on the web cab. Yes, I was
flirting

!When we got back to Clay?s home
later that evening, an invitation was
extended for the two of us to stay for a
bite to eat. Even though ?M? wanted to
leave immediately (he knew he had
lost me at this point and was pissed) I
said we would stay ? I did not want to
leave Clay?s house.

After dinner I told Clay, in front of his
date, that I would like to speak with him
privately for a few minutes. Clay knew
that I was ready to leave as he made a
comment that there were people in
Atlanta that would not want me to leave
so soon. We went outside to speak
and over the course of several minutes
talked about tranquility and spirituality.

Shortly after that ?M? and I left to head back towards Atlanta. When we got about a mile or so down the road, I was
signaled to pull over. ?M? told me that my tail light was out and he did not feel comfortable with me driving for an hour in
the darkness without that light so he suggested that we go back to Clay?s and leave my bike there for the night.

.As we pulled up into the driveway, Clay and his date came out of the house. ?M? told Clay that he was afraid of my
?invisibility on the bike?. Clay offered to allow us to spend the night there but the offer was quickly declined by ?M?. I went
ahead and got onto the back of ?M?s? bike and outside of the driveway, then around the corner from Clay?s house, ?M?
told me that he wanted me to stay in Atlanta and that we needed to talk.

I told him we could talk about it at his house but he persisted in wanting to discuss this. Knowing that it would be a 45
minute drive to Atlanta, I told ?M? that if he continued to badger me I would get off the bike and spend the night at Clay?s.
?M? would not shut up so off the bike I went! He sat there at the corner as I walked down the street and when ?M?
realized that I was not playing games, he left (and I was truly relieved!).

I walked back to Clay?s house and sat down on top of my helmet in front of his garage door. Sometime later the door
opened as Clay came down to take his date home and there he discovered me sitting ? waiting ? still sitting on my
helmet. I was fully prepared to sleep in Clay's horse trailer parked outside his house that night had he not come down to
take his date home. When that garage door came up deep within my heart I was relieved, and as I recall I felt very relieved
that I would be able to spend some time with this man I wanted to be with so much.

I sat in the back of Clay?s Cadillac on the way back to Atlanta to drop off his date. After dropping his date off, Clay again
offered to allow me to stay at his house for a few days. When I expressed concern about my personal belongings being at
?M?s? house and wondered if he was the type to throw stuff out on the street (another drama queen), Clay told me that he
would not be surprised if they did land out on the street the following day.We went to get my possessions that very night,
March 24, 2002.

When we got back home that evening I was offered one of two places to sleep and I took the master bedroom with Clay.
That first night I laid next to Clay - after a few kisses on the lips I rolled over. Just as quickly I fell asleep as Clay continued
to hold me very close to his own body.I sleep very well that night and upon waking the following morning, Clay was still
holding me close and I felt that maybe this was the man intended for me.

That day we picked up the ignition and on the following day I installed it on the motorcycle but prior to installing it, I also
discovered that my taillight was working again (another sign that there was a Higher Power at work in all this). That
following weekend Clay and I went to Springfield in his truck to pick up all my belongings and we have been together
since.

We continued to laugh and talk and stuck very close to each other ? neither of us were apart from each other for very long
in those first weeks. We realized that a Higher Power had connected us for a reason.

Looking back I now realize that my Higher Power was at work in its own mysterious ways before I left Springfield. My
Higher Power ("God") had used ?M? to connect me with Clay since Clay had no computer and no internet connection
whatsoever. (Ironic considering that "M" has no belief whatsoever in any Higher Power).

Where?s there?s a lot of negativity and darkness there are positive Powers that are much more powerful that come and
place themselves between the armies of darkness and the one(s) who has faith ? chaos results but as it is written in
sacred texts, ?out of chaos comes order?.

Sometimes we are really tested by our Higher Power - our Faith is put to that test I believe to see how strong we are, how
true we are to our own beliefs. Things happen to us when we are most vulnerable. There was a time I use to question
why things happen they way they do but my faith is so strong that I no longer do that ? I just accept it all as it comes and
allow it all to happen. I have been there too many times and I know that when I endure it all without question, and accept it
? then good things will come my way. That seems the way it has always been in my life and so that is what works best for
me.

So when I am troubled and need guidance, or I see someone else who may need something, I take a few minutes to pray
silently, knowing that my prayers may not be answered right away and if they are not, I just accept that too!

For years I had been praying that I would find another person whom I could share the remaining years of my life with and
up until this point in time I did not see those prayers being answered but then it finally seemed to be happening!

It all comes down to one simple thing here ? having Faith! Without Faith there can be no Love and with no Love there is no
Hope! As I have stated elsewhere on my web pages, I believe in taking those blind leaps of faith ? allowing my Higher
Power to guide me without question or doubt!

Unless you really go there, you are never really gonna know what?s at the other side. Had I not gone forward onto Atlanta
and used other options (my security blankets which I have stated can be barriers), I would never have met Clay - we
would never have come together and I would be alone! You?ve also got to tear down those barriers and remove those
shields that we tend to put before us. When you do this (and I am a living example of it), you experience a whole new
freedom and are one more step to living Life without fear.

I found my tranquility and serenity just a couple years or so ago and during the past two years many wonderful things
have started to happen in my Life since I have been able to let go of many barriers and lower the walls I built before me
which did not allow others to get close to me (or me to them).

I have also discovered that to truly come closer to personal freedom that we also must be able to control our addictions.
The gurlie bikers and two of the guys I met in Springfield put together a going away BBQ for me when Clay and I went up
to retrieve the few belongings I have not parted with. I gave away a black Zippo lighter that I not only just used for many
years but also had much sentimental value to it ? gave it to Pam (and she in turn took a black hanky out of my back pocket
which I understand she now carries with her just about everywhere ? she?s the one who cries when watching Old Yeller).

Almost 35 years of smoking Camels! For years it was a 2 to 3 pack a day habit and then it became a one to two pack a
day thing. Clay and I loaded my shit up onto the truck and upon leaving Springfield I did not touch another cigarette ? that
was on April 1, 2002. I have had no adverse withdrawal affects nor have I had any cravings. Being around a smoker does
not affect me either! For once in my Life I had found not just my tranquility, serenity and soulmate ? but so much peace,
calm and happiness that I no longer had a desire for something highly addictive!Now ? that?s being there! Not quite
ultimate freedom but probably as close as I am gonna get! As I have said in other pages within, if ya want something to
happen ya can make it happen!

And within these final notes (for now) I will promise to keep you all posted as time permits. Summer is here, Clay and I
got some a lot to do but we?ll keep you all updated whenever possible. In the meantime I wish the best to all and hope
you will come back soon (look for update links on the main page). If you are still looking for that someone in Your Life, do
not give up. Keep your Faith and hold onto your dreams ? as Clay?s best friend ?Big Bird? told him, ?If they can put a man
on the moon, they can put a man on Clay!?

There?s someone out there for you ? waiting ? and when you find that person Life will take on yet a whole different
meaning!! For all those who share our zeal of riding those roads - DRIVE SAFE! STAY HEALTHY....
Jim May 2002

.....Riding with Your Higher Power.....
("God" works in mysterious ways).....