dream1

...men like to remember back when they were so young so long
so long ago and when the memories of the mind come back
they dream of days of innocence days of beauty
and lost age when they were invincible
of those days of being a boy
and longing to lay back into their father's arms
listening to fathers soothing gentle voice
as it calms the boy within him and the boy feels loved
and then that boy comes out of father
and wants to be held closely
and loved as if it were his first warmth of sunlight
hitting upon him gently
feeling the security and compassion he hasn't known
having never had a father I know not what it is like
to be held and nurtured reassured and stroked by the rough hand
wondering what it might have felt like as a father would embrace me
I can only imagine

yet I feel a certain part of my soul is without
oh how I long to know what that love of a father is like
how I crave to know what warmth felt like
I feel not whole yet
I am the father of my own soul and heart
I give to my mates what I felt I should have had when I was so young
yet it is still somewhat empty within myself
knowing that I love but having not been loved
with a true male's stroking
I may never quite know the true radiance of it all
when I looked upon the eyes of you within my dreams
and heard your firm
yet soft spoken words
I felt as if the boy in me were crying to be loved by you
and that within my boy's soul
I wanted to climb over the wall into your heart and mind
yet my boy within could not do so as
he was afraid not of just rejection
but of abandonment once his feelings were known

I want my starved hungry soul
to be enveloped and embraced solely
by the one who comes along as my soulmate
I wish my soul to burn by your love and my spirit captured
how I crave to be that boy and your man
my boy within wishes for my soulmate to appear before me
and say its all right I am here and I will be there with you always
to take you where you desire to be
and when I thought to reach out just a bit when you appeared
not sure was I if who you were
so the guise reappeared on myself
as I could only try to imagine what it might have been like
if the boy buried deep within me ever came out
the boy knows respect yet the boy has much to learn
yet the wild boy within myself has not to be tamed
as my soulmate has not yet appeared in the flesh
keeping inside myself that which has made me who I am
submitting not to just my soulmate's desires
but having you submit to mine as well
and with that the boy shares not just his forgotten youth
but shares and gives freely my power within
the boy who laughs alone
desires to share with his soulmate
the laughter of both
the joys and tears
the wonder and beauty of the life we have within
and the life we embrace and that encircles around us
Oh how I long for your touch

as I lay down with my own flesh
I realize that deep within we may one day truly bond
when you appear not through my dreams but in the flesh and spirit
though now I can fulfill only your desires within my dreams
mine alone are mine to bear as I continue to
look at what is buried deep within my soul
that I desire to share with you in flesh and spirit
that little boy who continues to cry deep deep within
whom you may one day meet and turn those desires
into the realities that are craving to be fulfilled
and that's where my soul and heart lay
buried deep within my own scream inwards
and as I recall how your in-dreaml words pierced my soul
all I can do is look after my boy laying within myself
and let him know that you are out there
and one day will appear before the manly flesh
and say to the man and boy buried within
I am here you are there
give over to me what I give to you
your boy within your manly flesh
your desires your heart
as our love will grow
our balance together
shall enfold us into One
and upon hearing this in my dreams
I felt your seed penetrating my soul
As I looked within I saw your seed explode
And the cosmos of my soul and the universe around me
Enfolded my soul as I slumbered deeper into my dream

and I prayed to my Higher Power
God by whom I know as My Higher Power
of which I am just a drop in the ocean of
give me the strength to face and confront what has faced me
allow me to seek out what I desire so that I may blossom
grant me grace and bathe me in eternal light
so that I may bask in infinite warmness
and be guided by that very Higher Power within my soul
to commend myself over to the one whom I seek
unconditionaly when he appears
to allow his love into my soul
may I not just become a part of him but make myself
One with him within him as myself who I am within
God may I move closer to your fire
as my blood is beginning to run cold
from the foolishness of men who will not turn
away from their own darkness
and now as I ready myself for the firestorm
I fear that my
heart will turn in the same
I pray for protection
I pray for healing
I pray for guidance
May I be surrounded and embraced by the elements
of the powers of all that is within and about you Creator.....