| And a good morning to you guy! You feeling a bit like a slug this morning???? <grin> I see that you were either up late, got up early, or both……………I got a good night’s sleep myself………….if you get a chance today give it all another listen (music), will ya please?? Listening to the GD I of course IS NOT part of the required curriculum and is an elective subject at Dingo High – you won’t get graded and you may audit this course more than once if you like – Dingo High has GD II for those who want to expand their minds and knowledge of Dingo Culture which is another elective, Planet Jimmy 101. It is highly recommended that when re-auditing Dingo I classroom participants lay back and close their eyes and absorb PigPen’s lecture of “Let It Shine On Me” – Otherwise please read on for the Dingo’s Daily Notes and Comments – AND HEY – put that mouse away so some stray dawg or cat doesn’t get to it or you’ll lose it! <<< I don't know what the hurt is inside of me when it comes to how I feel about this house and deeper reasons why I want to leave here so much……I feel happy here most days but deep down I know I am lonely and being here reminds me too much of the time how much fun I had>>>> TAKE THOSE HAPPY TIMES, start reflecting, wipe those tears of joy away and bask in the warmth of those wonderful memories – as I often do – and when you look at the positive side of Life, the good things you have done, then remember at some point in your past there are probably those “little things” that brought you joy and happiness – maybe it was that 4th birthday cake or watching that butterfly flutter from one feeding flower to another – or maybe that dorky looking snowman you were so proud of that had the worse looking carrot for a nose. When you discover those little brief moments of joy, continue to focus on how you may have felt then embed THAT FEELING into your mind – when you do that you have created one of many safe places to go when you feel start feeling down – with practice you will eventually discover that anytime you start going down you’ll quickly find yourself in another realm of your mind – that’s where the journey to the soul begins……… <<<<<………. make this a home…………>>>>> Lyman Frank Baum once wrote “just close your eyes, click your heels three times and say there’s no place like home……….” He was speaking as the Good Witch Glenda but what most people fail to realize is the true meaning of those words and how to achive the desired results. (read the above again). The mantra was “there’s no place like home”, the deep breathing as she closed her eyes was the “three heels clicking” which took Dorthy into those altered states briefly as she lay dreaming during the tornado that “brought her to oz.” That tornado of course was the “storm of her mind………” Home is of course is the soul that resides within your body, acts through the brain and then the spirit moves. <<<(C**** even found me in bed asleep with her first husband. though she had moved out when it happened)>>> Ho! Shame on you but THAT was how many of were while many of us were growing. It took two and he was just as much as a Ho as you but deep down within you both there was something buried that brought that all about and for those moments in time there was sharing between two men. Ultimately though it also created some hurt – probably in all three people on different levels and of course trust related issues – but that’s part of growing – we learn throughout life new lessons and should always gleam the lessons and act upon what we have learned and NOT allow history to repeat itself – true sin is when you do something, and either at that time or later realized it may have not been right – and when you repeat that same action knowing it is not right – that is what sin really is about – knowing its not right and repeating it time and time again. <<<<< I know G**** wanted to make sure I was taken care of financially so he made sure to leave me enough money to pay off the mortgages so I would have a roof over my head in return for taking care of him. I didn't not ask G*** to do it. I know he did it out of love for me.>>> That’s love and compassion, yes. <<<I was lost and alone after being with him the better part of 5 years. when he died and I had to came home alone to an empty house. >>> What I said in an earlier post was that whether a person is healthy or not does not always mean a damn thing. You can meet healthy people and a day later find that they are suddenly snatched off the face of the earth cause some idiot got drunk and hot them with a car. When it happens it happens and there are those TWO BASICS things that happen to everybody that is a part of Life – you are born and you die. I believe our Creator brings us back into the world in physical form to not just live but use that gift that is unique to humans – the ability to expand the mind and experience Life. Some may not make it (stillborn or an infant leaving while others may go through many years and as they grasp and embrace Life and start experiencing all that is about, then that time comes when we have to depart the “housing of the soul” and move onto another realm until we are returned into another new “house.” <<< then I made the mistake of letting N*** move in after or 2ND date. we went out the 2ND time and he never left. I knew 2 weeks after he moved in that it was a mistake. but I think deep down he was better than being alone. since I had already let him move in it took me 4 yrs and 4 days to tell him to move out for cheating on me for two years. prior. that was August 24 2000. I've been single since. I've dated some real losers. B*** who had a real meth problem plus he drinks way too much for me. then there was QQ a U**** professor, meth cocaine any drug plus when he drank he got stupid.>>> Personally speaking I feel the word “mistake” is too often used and I use the word “lesson” and take it all as another lesson being taught by a Higher Power who gave me the mind to expand upon that lesson. Why people do what they do is a small part but then we have to learn from that, try to understand what brought those people into our lives and how to reflect upon what it all was really about. Easier said than done, yes. IM chatting with you revealed the “male escort” and another person. When I pushed on the “he asked me……a former priest” I challenged YOU to reflect upon THAT. Yes I made a judgment about someone I do not know (based upon what you said “he asked me” AND if one took the time to question the former priest one would discover that if one’s faith is challenged because of WHAT THEY ARE (gay) and others within the established community have a problem with it, the former priest, if he truly believes, would not allow himself to be affected by leaving priesthood – that person would continue onto another path. The revelation though was that he asked you to “visit me first” – anyone with a spiritual belief system that is deep rooted, if they truly knew Love, would always step aside and put the other person’s wishes and desires ahead of their own. Those words “please visit me first” are selfish and self serving whether or not that person really acknowledges that is another matter and people, when challenged, will often throw a stone back only because they do not want to examine themselves closer out of “fear” of what they may discover about themselves. To fill an empty place after we have lost a loved on we often jump to quickly to fill in that void – that is human and I have done that as well. We then realize some lessons have been given to us and then we have so re-examine ourselves and ask questions like “why are these people attracted to me, what is it they see in me and then we say Am I stupid, dumb, easy, desperate……….”. We then start feeling lower self-esteem and horrible about ourselves who generates hurt, sadness, frustration, anger…..and then we’re overwhelmed. Suddenly someone appears that seems to be Mr. Right and we find ourselves looking at their surface and allow them to try to take control of our lives because we need that help and are so eager and willing. We think, oh he drinks or maybe I can change that or maybe he is gonna fuck me to high heaven or I am gonna fuck him to high heaven and he is going to change and I will change with him…” Many other things come into our minds and then we find ourselves still not happy and realize “ I got a meth head, crack head, coke head, alcohol, abuser, user, etc” in my life and in my home. We rectify the situation and then start questioning ourselves again and take a heavy rap for allowing this to happen and before you know it the cycle starts again. The you lay yourself on guilt trips and all that shit – and become “miserable” and many people stay stuck in that pit until they start re-examining themselves. The trick is NOT allowing it to happen again. We continue to be rejected because of our age or HIV status. Go back, listen to PigPen or some other music and reflect upon what made you happy in brief moments. Keep doing this and then when you have mastered that ability to NOT allow the negative powers to take hold, tell yourself, :I am going to enjoy and appreciate what I do have – my Life!” If someone comes along that is fine and if the never do, that is OK too because at least I started being happy with myself and started enjoying and spending energy on embracing all the other things I set aside while pursuing finding a mate. When you do that that mate may or may not come along but when they do, continue to enjoy what you have before you and that mate will come to you. It is in that sharing of yourself with friends, mates and sometimes-complete strangers that you also are able tore-examine and modify things about yourself. We cannot change who we are but can modify behaviors that contribute to hold us back. We also have to accept ourselves fully – the good and the bad, as who we are. No one is perfect and no one can be like us nor can we be like someone else – we can learn and adapt that to our own lives in our own ways. We should never try to change anyone or think that we can change, just modify and accept others that we love for who they are – after all, we love them for what we see and we have to accept what we do not like sometimes about them. The things that contribute and stunt our growth, which we can change, are those things that take power and control from our lives. Yeah I got rid of the drunk and meth head. That’s taking control and you have the power to do that. Drinking, sex and drugs are common barriers to holding people back. These three things provide relief and allow one to take a short vacation from their realities – its called escape. Drinking and drug abuse may initially make you feel good and allow you to escape but the power these two behaviors have is that they also will bring you back down at some point and then a person drinks or does more drugs to get back to that vacation. Addiction develops and the barriers that you can control suddenly are harder to break down to your happiness. Ever hear of anyone feeling bad during sex? No usually not but after sex there you are once again – feeling bad. So most go out again and again and again because they like that vacation. Just like drugs/alcohol they also like the good feelings associated with sex. Soon they forget who they are and indulge into sexual encounters and because it makes them feel good they forget the issues and it is easier and easier to “go out and get it” no matter how or where. That’s the addiction taking power and control and then the barrier to your freedom no longer matters because you are getting it. But talk to someone closely and they still feel “empty” and they go looking thinking that “maybe I will settle eventually but I’m having a good time now and don’t care of I have someone – someone will show up……..” They usually don’t and before we know it we’re older and then have to compete with others so we go to the gym, or buy that fancy ass car or big ass bike cause it’s a “magnet” to attract or worse yet, we buy that perfect house in the country and someone is gonna to share that with me.’ We find someone who is attracted to the “magnet” and that person may honestly be looking for an LTR but then the relationship takes a turn and that person or yourself is missing something and goes out playing around, usually making an excuse by saying “we’re men and we love each other and can do that because we will always be together.” Then there’s the “he is real sick and cannot have sex and I need to satisfy that desire.” Go jerk off in the other room and then come back and tell your sick partner that you were jerking it off – it might make him feel better knowing that you still very much find him sexy even though he is sick and has KS or skin cancer or just does not have the energy right then and now. I have often heard many excuses but what I have never heard from those people saying is “I am still very much in love with him” and what I hear often is “he just doesn’t turn me on anymore sexually because……….” The excuses flow like water. That creates hurt for the other partner cause if you are feeling that feeling its gonna show somehow. But dig and someone is hurt. That’s no way to live or have a LTR. Meth/coke/crack and related substances people tell me (and I’ve seen it) allow them to lose their inhibitions and enhance their sex. Inhibitions are nothing more than preconceived learned behaviors. “getting fucked while on meth or crack allows me to go there where I normally do not go and it helps me achieve that goal. “ BULLSHIT! Thai use may allow you to get fucked in the ass by a dick and then allow you to make your ass feel like it’s a pussy getting fucked or may allow you to express yourself verbally and feel real good doing it…..comments and feelings such as “fuck my pussy or fuck my cunt or fuck my hole or fuck my manhole or fuck your whore or fuck your boy or fuck your girl or fuck your tramp or fuck me like a cop wanting to get fucked…etc” Well its all good but I am more of a fucking man because I can break down those inhibitions and unlearn those behaviors with out doing drugs. I can also truly enjoy who I am while enjoying it all naturally because I know I am a man and I can fantasize without “fear” of being rejected. It’s your barriers that you set up for yourself – what’s in a word? Those things I am feeling should be turning your ass on because what you have before you is a man in paradise and you should enjoy that paradise with him and embrace it for what is truly is “another man who enjoys himself and is sharing of himself and is desiring YOU to be a part of him.” (my quote) I remember an old Lily Tomlin movie with I think Steve Martin. Lily is ready to die at the beginning and things go wrong with the transference of her spirit and she gets trapped in Steve Martin’s body accidentally. The usual sight gags such as him at the urinal as “she” turns her head and he shakes the dribble off. BUT the one scene in particular when he is having sex with Victoria Principal in bed and the words coming out of the dual spirited body are “oh Rhett, oh scarlet………” “what the hell you have in there, the cast or GWTW?” “Shut up and keep on doing it I’m having fun!” is the retort from the Tomlin spirit. Doing drugs takes away your power and control of your life. If you do not have that power and control you cannot love another because you do not love yourself nor are you going to love another. You not only abuse your soul and spirit but your body as well. I have been with men (and my 2nd wife) who participated with their drugs and I could have driven a fucking Mack truck up them and they would have loved it because the drug numbs their physical senses as well. Its OK to play with “toys” but when drugs are involved it can cause damage that is later discovered. Even a simple dildo that is small used roughly can break tissue and veins causing serious problems later. The person on the receiving end is certainly going to NOT feel that damage as the chemicals in there body have triggered chemicals in their brains and they feel no pain until they start coming down and then they do more to “pick up where they left off”. I cannot begin to imagine what does happen (and is not spoken about) when both people use drugs during sex. I have heard many guys tell me that they can maintain erections and like to fuck when they are on drugs. BULLSHIT. The erections come right before that first hit and after the dope is gone and they come down. Then they are ready to crash and will want to get a nut off real quick. NO THANK YOU! Mr. meth head/ crack head go get some counseling and come to grips with your issues and your masculinity as well. <<<<< but D*** wanted more. he got violent and we had several physical encounters in which I would throw his ass to the floor and sit on him until he calmed down………. then I let him come back two months later thinking he might have calmed down. it lasted two weeks the 2ND time around>>> When you throw me down yer gonna be fucking my hole hard! <grin> I understand all that has happened and why you allowed it. The lesson of course, if you read at all those experiences you had, is that they cannot change until they seek help and doing so they have to examine themselves and that takes a lot of time when people have gotten to that point. Some people go through that process, get help, and then meet someone while they are doing the healing/recovering of their soul and think they may have mastered it. If they stop counseling during that time right after meeting it usually ends in disaster and if they are smart they go back to and start over in that healing/recovery. Once you have gone through that process you learn to quickly recognize the triggers and are usually able to work through it all. Things do come back and its in know what the triggers are that you are able to use the tools provided to you. Much like me “shutting the door because of distance”……..I did it quickly but then came back because I had to ask myself “why did I just do that?” (see the quote below pertaining to why we repeat – its true!). We then quickly rectify what we just did and remember that little lesson. We can only do that if we recognize that it was “wrong” for what we just did to ourselves, in my case, putting up a barrier after I had struggled to break that same damn barrier down years ago. Let me give you a quote from John Roger from MISIA: “Have you ever noticed that negativity strikes primarily in the area of your weakness? It rarely tests you in the field of your strength because in that type of showdown, it will lose. The negative forces know that, and they have a kind of intelligence that will instinctively go for your weak areas. Just about the time you thinking you've really got an area mastered, the negative power comes in to make sure you've mastered it. If you have, you're free. If you haven't, you find yourself still bound by the laws of the lower worlds. And even when you pass the tests and prove your spiritual strength, you have to continually exercise those strengths, because if you slip from spiritual attentiveness, you will be found out.” JOHN ROGER <<< he later dumped me for what I heard was $90 thousand trust fund his father offered him to stop dating me because I was HIV+.>>> The evil power of money as some will preach. Its not money, it’s the person and the evil is “greed and wealth”, not the person! Chances are he’s not gonna necessarily know if someone gay is poz or not since most gay men who are (and those who have not been safe) are going to wind up infecting him anyway. Doesn’t matter either if it’s a man or woman. You can have all the material wealth in the world but like Scrooge, are still miserable and unhappy until you find the love within yourself. Some people are content with that but dig deep and they are not truly happy without someone in their life. They can enjoy others who also share in wealth. We both been behind the bar and have seen the older men talking about their hey days and how they got a “houseboy” or had this great trick the other night and while they appear happy about what they have and have had, they continue to drink and laugh and then as they drink more the “happy talk” turns into “friendly sparring “you old queen……..” the laughter conceals hurt because preservation is important for some to hide their hurt AND then the lights come on…………..If they are so happy why are they drinking so much and sitting around several times a week doing it over and over and over. You usually do not find an “older couple” in that group and when they appear to that group of people they have know for years you here “where the hell you been guys. We thought you died……” Uh huh! They were enjoying life together outside that bar and came in to just say hi and just as quickly go back out because they do have a real life. Their appearance usually sparks bitter humored conversations among that group. While Clay and I were together he started showering me with gifts. I bucked him hard on that and told him not to. He helped me get that brand new 2002 ACE on his good credit. I made the payments. The bike was in his name as I made payments. He got sick and went into the hospital. Real sick. He came out and came home. During that time I heard his son and sister talking to me about his Will. I know what that is about! Despite Clay telling me that his family didn’t want anything of his, it was far from the truth. Clay wanted to think that but also deep down knew better. He transferred title into my name on the ACE. That’s all I wanted to protect my interest as I was making the payments. His son and sister found out and started this shit about how his past lovers took advantage of him based upon things Clay had said to them. Not True because Clay liked playing the victim and when problems arose the lovers’ left. They all paid for what he had gotten the, BUT Clay wanted pity from family and “alluded” a different scenario. He told me that himself! I understood Clay. I also understood Clay’s “wanting to NOT share power and his control issues” – we started having problems because of his abusive anger and first thing he wanted was for me to title the bike back to him until I paid him off. NOPE! I left too after I could no longer endure his buried anger – he told me to go BUT not take the bike out of Georgia. He wanted me to stay in Georgia just in case he needed me. When I left Georgia his sister wanted to help him bring the bike back and throw me in jail for “fraud”. There was no fraud there. She knew it. Clay of course did not purse that because he knew it was wrong. After we finally permanently severed the relationship prior to leaving the Big Bend, Clay was sick again and in his anger made a comment to me that “you wouldn’t have THAT bike if it wasn’t for me.” True but BULLSHIT! I have two other bikes parked in Austin that are good for riding around town in and not much more. Anytime I want a new bike I can get one with the help of family and friends and pay them for it. But after hearing that “I provide you with a chair to sit on…..” He bought that chair cause he liked it and I rarely sit on it cause its uncomfortable followed again by “you wouldn’t have that bike if it wasn’t because of my good credit….” You know what I did with the 02 ACE that I paid for and maintained???? It still is sitting in Austin in someone’s garage. With the help of my buddies... {{{removed for privacy}}} ...Clay still has no idea what I did with that bike nor will I share that with him. He defiled my pride with that bike but I flipped that negative over into a positive and put an end to “you wouldn’t have…..”. It upset him because I do not have the bike with me and he still does not know. I warned him a long time ago to be careful to be careful of what he says because I will react. I didn’t do this to hurt him, I did it out of principle. I will never tell him what happened to the bike as it has to remain a mystery to him because he will certainly at some point “become vile and defile” what I did and that’s bad karma! I still own two bikes in Austin and they stay in Austin. I have a bike here in Georgia I can drive that I do not own and its not Clays. Just as the bike I do not own that I can drive in Big Bend and the one I have in NM and Washington and one in California – I do not own those bikes but they are mine to drive if I want to drive the. I have owned many bikes over the years that are those and mine are listed on the aboutme web page. The bikes you will not find listed are the ones that belong to others that I am allowed to drive. I got a chopper in Dallas that I can always drive to and from the het biker bar – it’s not mine but I can drive it even though Polecat has passed. I helped him build that chopper many many years ago and it bears both his name and mine on it. And that chair he [Clay] provided me with to sit on, well he had that chair long before he met me. Clay to this day does not understand why it is so easy for me to leave material possessions. I do not leave anything, I gibe things away of they become barriers or cause a major problem. What I do not give away is my pride. I buy DVDs every month and books and I cannot begin to tell you where some things are at times. I mean, I have bought several copies of The Wall and Easy Rider and left them where I have stayed (buddies/friends) – I don’t always take things because I see other people who enjoy them more or may be gaining more benefit, such as the number of copies of The Tao I have given away. Or maybe that extra pair of tennis shoes I carried on the bike during my travels because I saw someone out there with toes showing thru their torn shoes. A pair of long johns because someone was cold – I can go out and replace those things that some poor unfortunate soul cannot buy. People sometimes tell me “not to give cause its there fault they are homeless cause of drugs, alcohol, jail” Hey – maybe so but you know what?? I remember the days when I was having troubles and a complete stranger pulled me up – I wasn’t homeless but there was a time when I did something wrong and a complete stranger put themselves at risk to “pick me up.” That single incident which I will not go into right now rocked my world – love and compassion moving quickly to help someone who needed it. So that single act of kindness that I continue to do, and I do it without fanfare and very quietly as I do not have to tell others who I am, that’s something they have to discover on their own, may help the person on the receiving end of that act moreso by restoring the grace he or she had lost and when that happens to anyone, the restoration of your grace, the spirit moves quickly. <<< I lost over 20 friends in 2004 starting with Nilo in May>>> You lost some friends through death. Friends I know is an often-misused word. Your real friends never leave either. They move but they stay in touch over the years and when you are happy they share it and when you are sad real friends take the time to share that too, even if they only listen. Dr. Richard Moss once said, “the greatest gift one can give to another is the purity and time of their attention and themselves.” That is one of the good rulers of measure to use for determining how important you are to others and how much you matter to others. <<< R**** had just ended a 14 yr relationship and I think he was looking for some one more like his ex.>>> Too often done. No one can be a carbon copy. We are all unique because we are all different and a small image of our Creator. Even a fly is different than another fly. Ever speck of dirt or rocks are all different. You can find a diamond in the rough and no matter how you cut and polish that diamond it cannot be the same as that other diamond. Usually people are still grieving too when they think like that. That’s OK. That person who left you who loved you would have wanted you at some point to be happy again. When he finds someone and quickly forgets “rather than feeling guilty about thinking he might be losing his love for the lost one or whatever the feeling is…….” The spirit of that former love will reappear in some small, initially unnoticeable way. When he finally notices it, he’ll know it is OK to once again love someone else. <<< I do worry a little about asking you to move here should we ever come to that . KC is a little off your beaten path and away from the majority of your friends and family, though Austin is only 14 hours away by car and Atlanta is a little closer. I would let you come and go as you wanted to. or needed to. to go see your kids or friends and family and they all would always be welcome here.>>> I appreciate you saying that and it shows your loving ways but I think I know what is best for Jim and let me decide what is off the beaten path and all the other. Look deep into my web pages, go through it all, there’s no hurry. If you look closely in those pages you will see consistency and underlying themes such as me always going off the beaten paths and onto new paths, and breaking my barriers and how I broke those barriers, and as my closest buddies would say, “do what you gotta do to find your mate – we’re not gonna kiss ya cause you too damn ugly and we got old ladies.” One buddy many years back was having problems with his old lady. They went up and down the same roads for two years with the same problems. He would show up at my house, we go out drinking, I listened, he’d come home and for a few days at a time would sleep on the ouch and go to work “I’m gonna let that bitch sit there and see what its like being alone and without me……” She never called my house while he was going thru that with her. After a few days he became more frustrated because she didn’t and he then went home saying “I better make sure she’s OK…..” YEAH PAUL, SURE! A few months later he would show up gain, “lets go for a ride Dingo, the old lady pissed me off and I’m gonna leave her ass………” Finally after two years (and my listening and the “dingo counseling” the resolved their problems and have been OK since – that was back in 93. I called Paul one day and told him I was coming over cause I needed to talk to him about something. He said OK, let’s meet at Beverly’s, which is where we always met (all of us) for gathering, riding, and those one on one talks. He followed that “lets meet” with “oh yeah the old lady is having some problems and better not come over to the house on the way – I’ll be there just wait…….” I did not give it second thought. I went to Bev’s and waited an d was talking with my other buddies and one of their old ladies concerned me and said “when Paul and Gail were having problems he told Gail that if she didn’t straighten up he was gonna move in with you and go queer because you would probably understand him and treat him better.” The light bulb came on and then I realized what was going on these past few months since they had made up. She was always friendly when we all gathered but seemed to me somewhat colder than usual – I had figured they were still working it all out. When Paul and Gail showed up in the bar my first words were “YOU MOTHERFUCKER! DON’T USE ME TO GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER! EVEN IF YOU WERE QUEER YOU ARE NOT MY TYPE!” Gail, his wife, was stunned and suddenly the rock hit her between the eyes when she realized what Paul had done! You rarely hear a quiet moment in Beverly’s until shit gets started. Almost everyone in that bar started laughing and someone said “get him Dingo!” Gail and I and the others spent the rest of the afternoon drinking beer and having a great time while Paul sulked over at the pool table shooting by himself. He finally came over and said “I’m sorry man that was wrong.” I told him not to apologize to me but he better get on his knees before his old lady hog ties his ass and drags him up Congress Avenue. Every now and then Gail tells me that when Paul starts “his shit” with her she tells him to “go over to Dingo’s and see how long he or any other man puts up with your shit.” It’s a gentle but firm reminder for him to take a hike and get it act together. Stops him dead in his tracks. Little memories like those always stay with me. I do not have to come and go as I have already been down those paths and done my thing. Now I want to do my thing with someone else and as we all know, and your friends and family know this to, when you fall in love and nest you become content and your Life is shared with your mate – you and your mate come first! If family and friends have sickness and death you deal with that together. You may not always be able to be there in the flesh with someone but that is why we have telephones and internet and it allows us to listen and help. I f someone in Austin is ill there are other friends and family members who can be there to help and those affected also know that home comes first. Got my drift? <grin> <<< If any one can break through the wall I have built up around my heart to keep from being hurt it is you, (its already crumbling) I think we could take my pile of rubble and build a good life and make this place or any other place a home. Like you said.>> If anyone can break down his or her walls it is yourself that has to do it. All others (including myself) can do is listen, suggest, and share their own experiences and through that sharing you develop your tools to help yourself which is what you are starting to do. It may seem at first that the walls are crumbing fast, they are but that does not mean they will not go up and when they go back up quickly you examine why? What was the trigger. Is it really the other person or is it something else (notice the “else” word) that is buried deeper. By doing that you are going there and examining and evolving (there’s THAT WORD too again I used it the other nite – cal it growing. As a tree grows it evolves into something different but it is still a tree just the same). <<<. I do not want to chance losing you before I had a chance to really get to know you better>>> If I get innocently shot by a drive by bank robber fleeing the cops in hot pursuit and they start shooting, well SHIT HAPPENS and we have no control of that! But say even if it did happen to you or I, we have no control over that BUT rather than drown in the “whys when we were just meeting, swim in the “sharings we shared and what we may have learned and enjoyed with/from each other” and then continue onto the path in pursuit of happiness. We cannot spend too much time in worrying either cause worrying doesn’t change anything and it’s a waste of energy. OK, I admit I do worry but I do not allow that to take control cause I know I can only control most things, not all, and then I stop worrying – easier said than done by anyone! Period! Don’t care how spiritually attuned any is either – we are human. All we can do is worry less. <<<< Jim Plan and simply I think I'm falling in love with you. and if it's not love, I've got a wonderful new friend in you Jim>>>> There ya go papa! And I also want to comment on something you said in another email. <<<<I don’t sleep with my friends.>>>> I gotta tell ya something papa! Friends do sleep together and although it’s rare because of those pre-conceived learned behaviors, there are some that fall into bed together innocently and do have sexual intercourse. It may only happen once but friends are allowed to do that as they are sharing. We, in our biker family, as bikers getting drunk years ago when we were young and even to this day, one on one sitting around a fir, have been known (het or otherwise) to jack off together or get blown by the other, or fucked. We often later say “I had too many” or not anything at all (justification) - we call it make bonding and the sexual act was nothing more than expressing a desire to share the intimacy of love. Little boys at an early age go off and “do things” together because they do not have that “learned behavior” instilled in them completely just yet – and that always leaves a long lasting friendship that was boned out of innocent love and strengthened through sharing. Remember what you told me about sleeping with her husband??? Well, that’s what I am talking about – there also may have been some sorta bonding deep down but more often than not it’s about something much deeper! I’m gonna come and visit you in October. Don’t know when just yet. I may reverse or inter-change the order depending on these peoples’ schedules, yours included, and may come up to you first. Have me a couple of cold beers, Buds, 16 oz cans, sitting in the fridge when I get there, cold and waiting, that’s all. I don’t drink anymore (I am allowed to have a beer or two, just don’t drink them) but I want to sip that first cold beer as you start working me into that……………..the beer will sit there getting warm – its nothing more than a prop to sip on…..even after it has warmed. I’ll want something to quench my thirst as you fulfill my other thirst………. I rarely wear sock caps and please don’t buy me any………..just those two beers waiting in the fridge and make damn sure that music from the GD is ready to play………….. <<< you can make my dick hard from 900 miles away with only your thoughts. I have a very vivid imagination so I can see you Jim in my mind as your dancing naked to the music dripping sweat on me from above. your cock and balls swaying to the music as you dance, you made me hard>>> ....yeah PAPA…………and the sweat out of my ass is gonna juice up yer cock as you fuck your daddy and I am gonna drain your fucking seed up my man cunt ass and you’re gonna seed my soul as we transcend to paradise……………..and I am gonna get more seeding and breeding from your cock as we continue to take those trips to the heavens above paradise…..OH YEAH…… Listen to the music as you finish reading this lesson from the Dingo, good loving will make you shine on me and when you shine on me I’m gonna shine with you……let it shine! Jim Sept 07 |
| DINGO HIGH IOI This comes from an email chat between someone and myself - its posted here in the spirit of sharing thoughts & experiences, the opinions are mine unless otherwise noted and of course certain information (names) have been altered to protect privacy..... TT FONT TEXT IN BRACKETS <<<>>> ARE THE OTHER PERSON'S FEELINGS AND TT FONT TEXT OF THIS TYPE W/O BRACKETS ARE MY EXPRESSIONS |