| Two Spirit "It usually implies a masculine spirit and a feminine spirit living in the same body. "Two-spirit" originated in Canada in 1990 during the third annual intertribal Native American/First Nations gay and lesbian conference. It is a calque of the Ojibwa phrase niizh manidoowag (two spirits). It was chosen to distance Native/First Nations people from non-Natives as well as from the words "berdache" and "gay." The older term "berdache" is a generic term used by anthropologists, and is frequently rejected as inappropriate and offensive by Native Americans." WIKIPEDIA DEFINITION I first heard the words "two spirits" during an early stage of my life, during middle school, we called it junior high in those days, from an old Shawnee woman named Sookie who lived within my mother's compound. Sookie served my mother, and others living in the hollow, in many different ways. I vaguely recall my breastfeeding from Sookie. Sookie rarely spoke to anyone and when she spoke it usually was whatever she had to say - always very brief and short. I was always told never to question Sookie as it wasn't the right thing to do. I was told that Sookie wasn't always right about certain things she might say. I remember Sookie was labelled as "that crazy old injun woman" and "she talks nonsense." There always seemed to be many contridictions about Sookie - she was loved, despised, respected & feared. They always talked bad and good about her behind her but always good in front of her. "....two spirits always walking and always loved...." I heard from Sookie on several occassions. The first time those words passed into my ears was when Sookie told me that she knew what George had done to me. Nothing more and nothing less - it just left me wondering how and what she knew. When I was a bit older Sookie would repeat those words, usually adding the words "he's a bad man." The last time I ever spoke to Sookie was a few days before her sudden death. Alec and I had gone up to her shack since no one had seen her come out for several days. As we approached she came outside, looked at us with those coal black eyes and said sternly, "two spirits always walking and always loved - boys, leave it and don't come back." At the time we were perplexed by all this and it wasn't until 1998 when it all came back to me, thanks in a large part to a conversation I had with my biological father. It was my father who told me over the telephone that "two spirits" weren't the two little boys who hung together, "two spirits" was who I was, and it was something I would have to come to terms with one day. My father told me he was not going to be the one to discuss this, he did emphasize that Sookie took me under her fold as an infant and kept my spirit alive and that I had a bit of her breath within my soul. Looking back, something I rarely do unless I'm self-examining. There were many incidents that took place within my early years. Sometimes we put up those walls or just bury some things deep! Then there's a point in our lives when someone, or something, is said or happens and then that wall comes tumbling down - what was buried deep surfaces quickly. We may or may not like what we see and remember - then we either bury it all deeper or let it stay on the surface with a big old wall going up in front of it. Life continues and we go about our way, usually finding some distraction to not deal with or examine those incidents and more often than not - Truth! I buried it deeper! During the years of 2001 - 2005, The Ride - just when I thought I knew myself well, had a grip on the past, that wall came down again. So I dug deep into my soul and with a little help from my friends went all the way down to some depths I never explored. Bob Weir once wrote "The deepest journeys pass through the wilderness, the desert where the burning question resides To taste the magic you must first suck the emptiness from a cup that is always dry....." That I did! Golden Eagle of Pocatello, I am grateful to you. In our sharing and trust of the other your reaching into my soul for soul retrieval, four spoken words you used to me "always walking, always loved", words I had never shared with anyone aside from my father, the DingoMan's fragmented soul repaired by you and I the two spirits embraced and danced within the inner core blue flame of my soul. Golden Eagle, aka, "Goldie", I met online briefly while visiting with my buddies in Oakland, California. I responded to an email Goldie had sent to me and went off the beaten path a bit to meet this guy. Worth noting is that I did not know what to expect as he asked me if I had any problems with radical faires. I said I didn't and a couple of weeks later drove up to his house in Pocatello, Idaho. Of course I never met a radical faire before and did not really know what I might be getting myself into. I won't go off on a rant about radical faires but will say that anyone who has a preconceived notion of who or what they are will certainly have their bubble burst! Let me just say one should not assume andro, gender bender, trans or otherwise! Don't let the gathering garments fool ya! During my extended visit with Goldie I was educated about the radical faires and now have a better understanding of who and what they are. It was during this visit, without any planning or foresight, Goldies assisted in my soul retrieval. I am thankful and honored that Goldie shared much with me and some more healing was metted out during our time together. I am grateful that I was allowed to meet and share with Chief Clyde, Lani, some other Shoshone Tribe members and participation in a Shoshone Pow Wow. "Two Spirited" - sadly there are many in the gay community who assume and presume, or think they know what being "two spirited" and "free spirited" means. People assume that because I say I am a "free spirit" I am saying that I am either flaky, unstable, a whore or slut, and so forth. Far from it! If that's what your perception is may I suggest you consider examining yourself, while doing so you may possibly consider exploring a spiritual faith - does and brings about wonderful beauty into your Life. There's duality in everyone, the masculine and the feminine. One is stronger than the other . If you can bring them both into balance and harmony without those preconceived notions of how society thinks we should be, the spirit is whole. When one has two spirits residing within the body, which is nothing more than housing for the soul and spirit, it all becomes a bit more challenging. Imagine that! The frustrations, the battle between those two spirits coupled with the flesh. A blessing, a unique gift given by a Higher Power. As a human being at times it can seem to be somewhat of a curse. I've alway been somewhat gentle, somewhat rough in my nature. My masculinity is the recognition and power that I can allow the feminine to take over when desired or need be. My feminine is the the power and recognition to allow the masculine take over when desired or need be. The beauty of it all is to allow my spirits to move without hesitation whatsoever without preconceived or preconditioned learned behavior(s) to block the spirit from stirring and dancing within my soul. I am a man with two spirits, I accept who I am, and am thankful to have been blessed in that discovery. Living and Loving Life without fear, breaking through those barriers to for the freedom of my soul and spirits. Rough, Raw and Ready - there's deep meaning in those words. When it comes to sexuality people can label me as they please. I use to use the words "Top" as I was all those years. Then I wanted to explore the other "role". It took another year or so after meeting Golden Eagle to get the opportunity to do that. I wasn't looking at that point, just enjoying buddies and those runs. It all happened unexpectedly and surprisingly with a fellow biker I met on the road in Nevada. Some say strange things happen on US 50, dubbed as the "lonely highway". It started in Austin, Nevada, where I met a scooter tramp. His picture is within this web (don't ask which guy!). He asked if I wanted to come to his camp for a beer. He was way out there! A beer, followed with a Jack chase, another beer, another Jack. I been down this path before, don't get me wrong. This path was different! He started sharing a bit about "why" he was on the road. He wanted to ride one more big run because he felt me might not be able to do it again in the future. He had tested positive for HIV. Got it he said from fooling around without protection from a whore. He was very specific about who it came from - a woman down in El Paso had infected him. He thought he had gotten infected from messing around with a couple of guys until the woman was picked up by local authorities after it came out that she had infected several men. So he couldn't blame those guys for that. I told him I was positive and had been living for many years without getting sick from the virus and our sharing continued into the evening. One thing led to another and we fucked. Then we held each other. He cried a bit and I did too. We laughed and fucked again. Neither of us could remember the next day who passed out first. One of us still had a cock up the butt when we woke up in that tent. And we fucked again. Got up, took a piss, fussed around and somewhat speechless. I told him that I was gonna be on my way. He told me not to be in a hurry to leave. he wanted to fix coffee. We had coffee. We drove into town to have some breakfast. He asked if I was in any hurry. I said no and after breakfast back to his camp we went. We spent much of the day talking. In between the talking we fucked. More talking, more fucking. We stayed together three nights. Three nights together we loved each other. I knew he was married, he shared that & more with me. He had to go back to his wife and open up to her, confess to infidelity and HIV infection. He would tell her about his attraction for men since she was bisexual. He allowed her to be who she was but felt that he could not allow her to know who he was. All that preconditioning at an early age! He told me that "only a man who has been with a woman would understand men like us." That may piss some people off or turn them off but I see Truth in that bit of wisdom. We left together, I headed my way and he went his. I gave him my card. I am grateful to him for allowing me and himself to "let go" during our loving. I fucked him and his feminine side came all the way out - no attitudes or hangups about being a bitch. He fucked me and allowed my other spirit to come out freely with no judgements or attitudes. Two men, three spirits. Complete strangers. Two men who got to know each other by sharing their souls without fear. I have since heard from him. I was surprised to receive an email several months later. I was invited to visit with him and his wife near Truth or Consequences, New Mexico. I made two trips to visit, stayed a few days in their mobile home. It took him some time to open up to his wife, understandably she was angry about the HIV. She told me the she was angrier that he felt that he could not share more about himself. Eventually they worked through it all prior to my first visit. She told me that if he and I wanted to sleep with each other and have privacy we could do so. After all, the wife had been allowed to continue to sleep with a female companion. I declined the offer (yep! that was hard to do!). He understood why. On my 2nd visit we did sleep together without sexual intimacy. Three of us. More sharing of who we were and what we wanted out of Life, what we had achieved. They both to this day believe I will find someone to whom I am intended for. Maybe so, maybe not. What matters is that in the desert the dry cup was sucked and the magic happened. If it don't belong in the desert the desert spits it back out - I'm "still" in the desert - and I'll suck "that cup that is always dry" again I'm sure! Pictured below (not one I took), two raw spirits connected with the spirit of the Earth. Jim the Dingo 2007 |
| Jim "the
Dingo" Sept 2007 |